I’m having one of those days again, when I get this (panicky) feeling like I’m not fulfilling all that I could; not seeing enough, doing enough, creating enough. Being enough.
It’s hard for me to actually describe the feeling in words, that starts slowly in the pit of my stomach and reaches itself out to the tips of my fingers and toes, and when I do (in this case, yesterday to M. and my mum) it comes out sounding entirely different than what I wanted--some vague resemblance of the core thought entwined in a whiney melodramatic tone. It’s not disappointment or unhappiness with my life; if anything it’s the opposite! Mostly just a feeling that there is so much I can do, so many opportunities, and I want to make sure I take advantage of them all.
I know why this feeling is here again. Being around someone who is sick, who is battling for his life in front of me everyday, changes you. I’m reassured he has done so much, seen so much, been so much...and know he has so much more to come.
I want to think more, touch more, feel more, laugh more, talk more, cry more, try more, dance more, make more, cook more, create more, challenge more, learn more, sing more, taste more, meet more, see more, do more. Live more.
